People react differently to breakups. Some people find comfort in venting their emotions to their best friend or family. Others turn to drinking and partying to distract themselves from the breakup. There are also individuals who knowingly or unknowingly get into a rebound relationship to fill the void that has been created by a recent breakup.
A rebound relationship may not be the best way to deal with a recently ended relationship. This type of relationship not only starts on rocky ground but also begins with a lot of baggage from your previous relationship. In most cases, people have unrealistic expectations when getting into rebound relationships, which doesn't always end well.
What Is a Rebound Relationship?
A rebound relationship is where a person gets into a new relationship shortly after ending a previous one. More often than not, people who are on the rebound tend to be angry, distressed, shamed, or sad. As a result, they are neither emotionally available nor in a situation to make a right judgment about choosing a partner or being devoted to one.
Several things motivate people to get into a rebound relationship. Some people find themselves in this situation out of fear of being alone. Sometimes, a person's need to rebound stems from ego and pride. They'd like to prove to everyone including themselves that there is nothing wrong with them just because they got dumped. Making an ex jealous is also a motivator for some people.
11 Undeniable Signs That You Are in a Rebound Relationship
You can be in a rebound relationship without realizing it. However, you owe it to yourself and your partner to figure out where you stand before things get out of hand. So, how will you know if your relationship is a rebound from your previous one? Here are some clear rebound relationship signs that will help you figure it out.
1. Your ex is always on your mind
It's not easy to tell if you've gotten over someone. Sometimes you may think you have moved on and actually really believe it, but suddenly, you find yourself still thinking about your ex. While it may be healthy to reminisce about the moments you shared with your ex, it may be a sign that you're not ready to move on. If you are in a new relationship and you're always thinking about your ex, it's not a good sign. They should be the focus of your attention if you're genuinely in love with them. If they aren't, they might be just a rebound for you -- especially if you just got out of a relationship
2. You've not included your partner in your inner circle
According to the Knapp's Relationship Model, one of the stages of a relationship is "integration." At this stage, a couple begins to get closer than before and can even go to the extent of labeling their relationship. It is also at this stage where a couple may start introducing each other to the important people in their lives. If you've been in the relationship for a while and the thought of introducing your significant other to your inner circle has never crossed your mind, it may be a sign that you are not serious about the relationship. You may also not be interested because you are aware it will not go far.
3. You project your ex's traits onto your new partner
This is not a very common sign of a rebound relationship, but it occurs. You may find yourself looking for characteristics that remind you of your ex when looking for a new partner. For instance, someone who broke-up with a lawyer may find themselves more attracted to lawyers. Some people also lean towards physical characteristics that remind them of their ex such as the color of the hair, jawline shape, and body size among other traits.
4. You want to make your ex jealous
Trying to make your ex jealous of your new relationship is one of the most obvious signs that you are in a rebound relationship. This scenario may occur when you are at social gatherings or on social media. If you are constantly trying to show off your partner to your ex or their acquaintances, it may not be a good sign. Blurring the line between your new and old relationship is a sign that you have unresolved baggage.
5. Social media has become torture
Unlike olden days where you'd manage to break-up with your ex, cut communication, and go a long time without seeing them, today, social media has made it almost impossible. A quick scroll through Facebook, Instagram, and the likes and you will come across pictures of your ex and his or her new bae. How you react in such a situation will let you know if you are in a rebound relationship. Does it break your heart? Do you immediately start stalking their new partner? If your ex's signs of moving on affect you this much, you are not serious about your current relationship.
6. You only call your partner when you are lonely
Another sign that you are in a rebound relationship is if you always call your partner when you are lonely and avoid them when you are happy. One of the signs that your relationship will last is being great friends. Friends like to hang out at all seasons of their life not just when they need something. If you're not always interested in being with your partner, your relationship is out of "need" and not "want."
7. You are sure he or she is not a serious prospect
Getting into a relationship with someone you are sure is not a serious prospect is the classic "one-night stand" or "few months stand." Even when your new partner portrays some good traits that you like, you do not take them seriously because you know you are just using them to get over your break-up. The problem with this kind of situation is that you only risk becoming even more emotionally vulnerable. There is also a great chance that you will end up hurting your partner in the process.
8. You are only in love with the attention they give
Sometimes, you may find yourself rebounding because you love the attention you get from your new partner. If they are the kind of person that showers you with gifts and goes out of their way to court you, you may confuse your appreciation for their attention with love. These feelings are very common in the aftermath of heartbreak. In such a situation, it is very easy to get into a relationship with someone who treats you better than your ex did. Unfortunately, the relationship may not last long because its foundation is on the wrong things.
9. You feel the need to rush
Feeling the need to rush is another example of warning signs of a rebound relationship. It is common for rebounders to take relationships very fast. They will often sweep serious issues under the rug or fall in love very fast. If you met your partner only a week ago and you believe you are in love with them, it may be time for you take a rebound relationship quiz. Love takes time. For this reason, when you find yourself moving too fast, try to slow down and reevaluate your reasons for getting into the relationship.
10. You keep reliving the past
You may also know that you are in an unhealthy rebound relationship if you are constantly talking about your ex. Do you always talk about how much he hurt you or how you wish things turned out differently? Is your partner always asking you to stop talking about your ex? If you answered yes to these questions, it's a sign you have not moved on from your ex. You are not doing you or your partner any justice by staying with them merely because you feel lonely or abandoned. It would be better to take some time alone until you figure things out.
11. You are always intoxicated on dates
Another way to tell that you are in a dangerous rebound relationship is if you are always high when spending time with your partner. Many rebounders turn to alcohol or drugs to keep the pain under wraps. However, this may become a problem if you don't watch how much you are drinking. If you've noticed you cannot go through a date with your partner without getting intoxicated, it may be a good idea to seek some help to deal with the relationship in a healthier way.
Reasons Why a Rebound Relationship Is Bad for You
When you're just out of a relationship, it is natural to either want to get back with your ex or get into a new happy relationship. Taking time off from dating can be an emotional roller coaster because there is nothing to distract you from all the emotions that follow a breakup. However, getting into a rebound relationship is not a wise solution to this problem. Here's why:
There is no time to reflect on your past relationship
Getting into a rebound relationship does not allow you to reflect on what went wrong in your past relationships. You may be too attracted to what you were missing in the previous relationship that you forget to consider what you want to get from a life partner. While it might be difficult to move past heartbreak, it is beneficial to understand you and your ex's role in the relationship ending and what you can do to better your next relationship.
You may not be ready for intimacy
Apart from seeking to fill an emotional void, people also get into rebound relationships for sex. The problem with this is that you may not be ready for intimacy especially if you just got out of a long relationship. Good sex doesn't come by easily. Therefore, you may engage in coitus only to realize you did not like it as much as you hoped you would. Even worse, it can remind you about your ex when all you want to do is to move past them. Having intimacy with someone you barely know may also affect how you feel about yourself.
It's possible to offload your baggage on a new partner
Most people carry baggage from their past relationships to their new ones, but the relationship still survives. Why? In most cases, people do not reveal all their shortcomings to their partner. They do it slowly as the relationship progresses in a manner that their partner can understand and deal with. But it is impossible to do this when you are rebounding. That is because the carefulness you approach an ordinary relationship with does not exist in rebounds. As a result, you may end up showing all your dirty laundry hence scaring your partner away.
Relationships do not define you
The longer you stay in a relationship with a person you love, the more you become accustomed to having them in your life. In a way, the relationship also changes you because your partner becomes a big part of your life. When you end a relationship, you need to take a break to offload everything from a previous relationship until you are ready to move on. Getting into a rebound relationship is like seeking a solution where it does not exist. The only way you can move on from heartbreak is to focus on yourself. Focusing on yourself also allows you to discover what you want to get from future relationships.
Boot the Rebound and Start Fresh
Do any of the tell-tale signs of a rebound relationship reflect your current situation? Are you unsure how to change it? Worry not. The first step is always accepting where you are, then trying to find a solution to it. Speak to your partner and let them know where you stand in the relationship. They may not take it well, but it is better than to keep leading them on. Take the break to work on yourself until you are ready to enter into a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It may not be easy, but it will surely be worth it.